The thought of dating a recent widower can be challenging. In fact the idea of a first date with anyone can be challenging, but when someone has been recently bereaved there are certain reassurances you will need before you go too far into a relationship.
A widower who is seeking friendship soon after losing a life-partner could be lonely and doesn’t know how to cope with his own company. Someone without a family, or a circle of friends looking out for him, could make for a compromising situation. Putting too much store on the prospect of a romantic relationship with someone who is not ready could have a disappointing outcome for both of you.
If you’re planning on dating a recent widower, and you’re not familiar with his background, it is important you establish whether or not he has come to terms with his loss. Taking things slowly at the start of any new relationship is important. Arranging to meet during the daytime or early evening for the first few dates will give you the opportunity to get to know each other, without making too much of a commitment. This will help you to see how the friendship is progressing and whether or not you think he is over the grief that would have followed his wife’s death.
If he seems genuinely interested in you but seems to be holding back a little, it could be that he is asking himself if he is, indeed, ready for another relationship. By offering a platonic lifeline, this could help a recent widower to come to terms with his loss, and with it the possibility of greater things further down the line for both of you.
One of the most challenging areas of dating a widower is ensuring he is not in any way comparing you to his deceased wife; or your relationship to the one he had before. This is, after all, an opportunity for both of you to build a unique friendship based on your shared experiences.
Discovering any mutual interests you may have is a good way to establish a lasting rapport. Whether it is a sport or something of a more cerebral nature, sharing some common ground will offer plenty of scope to get to know each other. Visiting an art gallery or taking a walk in the country, are just two ideas that could invite some interesting conversation and shared ideas.
If he suggests introducing you to some of his friends, this is a sure sign he is comfortable sharing this aspect of his life with you. It is also a good way for you to see how he interacts with them– and how they view him. This will hopefully give you a greater picture of the person you are dating.
If he has been in the habit of mentioning his wife, you will notice if he seems to be doing this to a lesser degree and sense a more relaxed attitude towards you. In time, it is hoped a worthwhile friendship will be developing and if this is the case, it will be because you have grown to understand each other in a deeper sense. Hopefully, romance will follow and your relationship will have a firm foundation on which to flourish.